dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
