so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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