I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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