I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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