Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm really busy with my period
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