If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
