I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
