hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
