i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
