hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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