Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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