After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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