I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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