Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
