I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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