In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
