I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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