Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
