I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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