I think my vagina is haunted
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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