I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
