my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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