you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
