No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
