its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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