we have officially lost it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
