hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
