i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
