I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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