the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
