We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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