.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
