Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
