How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
