i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
