He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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