Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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