found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
