I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
