i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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