We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
