I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
