The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
