Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Porn is love you can see.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
