Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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