There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
