R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it because I queefed?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
