I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
