did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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