This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize