I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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