So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
