I think scott just propositioned me for sex
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
