I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
