You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
