i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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