My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
