After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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