You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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