I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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