I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
