all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
