I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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