somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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