i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
