just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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