honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
