when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
