so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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